you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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