i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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