I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize