I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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