I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
