why do cheetos always look like penises
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
