i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
