We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
