i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
