....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
