Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
