we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
