I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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