We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
