Where is the hickey?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
