The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
