that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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