Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
