Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I won the penis lottery.
now i know why i became what i already was.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
