Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
