i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
