I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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