She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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