Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
