it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
