I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
