That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Randomize
