I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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