and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
