THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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