Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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