I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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