cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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