apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
