First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize