how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
