p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
