I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
