they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
