Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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