I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize