Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
