apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
