I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
