She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
