Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
