I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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