O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
