She said her name was "party"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
