I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
