wrigley field is MILF paradise
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
