im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
