would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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