I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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