Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
