My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
