Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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