Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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