When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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