i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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