im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
