Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
