my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
