god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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