so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
