Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
