Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
