If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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