Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
