Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
