Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
